Well hello internet. Nice to see you again. Long time no talk. I just reread those blog posts from over three years ago. Good lord. I thought I was going to have time to read. That's pretty hysterical!
I remember our first week home from the hospital with Ava like it was yesterday. The pain from the c-section. The pain from the breastfeeding. The pain from no freaking lunch meat or alcohol for nine freaking months! Holding that little girl in my arms made it all worth it. Becoming a mother has been one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I have experienced a new love that I didn't know existed. I have put others needs before my own, and I have learned so much in the last three years. It's truly incredible.
There is a huge problem that I need address though. Me. I need to pay attention to me. I get so wrapped up in everything going on around me, I forget that I still need to look out for me and what will keep this car running.
As most of you know, I've struggled with my weight really my whole life. I am your true definition of a "foodie". I. LOVE. FOOD. In fact, I love it so much that some could call it an addiction. I constantly think about food. Sometimes when it's a food I'm craving all I can think is, well if I'm "dieting" or trying to lose weight, who knows when I'll get to have it again. Just one piece, just one bite won't kill me. But then, it tastes so good that you have to finish the serving or have another bite. I don't think it's bad when a person treats themselves once a month or every couple of weeks. People in good shape could probably handle a weekly treat. Literally, I find myself facing these struggles several times a week, if not every day. When Fat Amy says the Fat Heart quote in Pitch Perfect, I laughed out loud but seriously, some people really do have fat hearts, and it is a struggle!
The biggest setback to date happened this morning. I went on vacation last week. I thought I didn't do too terrible and then I weighed myself. Holy shit ($0.25 over to Mommy Needs a Swear Jar). I freaking blew it. I worked my ass off for 7 weeks before vacation to lose weight. One week of being out of control, and I'm basically starting at square one. Devestation and pissed off cannot even begin to describe how furious I am. The thing about weight loss is. I have no one to blame but myself. No one forced me to eat those chocolate chip cookies or that hamburger. It's all on me. I'm the only one that can fix this hot mess that I have made out of the only body I have.
The point of this whole thing is not a pitty me post or a bitch fest. I want everyone to know that if you are struggling with weight loss and body images, if you look in the mirror and are so completely disgusted with yourself that you avoid them on purpose, if you literally have no clothes to wear because you hate shopping because of how you look, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Come on this journey with me. Let's be healthy together. I'm not selling any fitness products. I'm not doing a fad. I want to be healthy. I want to find me.
Who's going to join me?
-A
P.S. Wow, I just reread the title. I talked myself out of that donut ;)
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